On 22nd Century Fashion

Part 1

A youth, strong and sturdy in every way.

As we enter the 22nd century together, we must reconsider the clothes which adorn our bodies. Imagine a youth, sturdy and strong in every way, dressing with a scarf. This is abominable. Scarfs are the garment of weakness.  

They symbolize a pathological need for constant warmth. Moreover, the primary motivation for wearing a scarf is not to provide warmth – it is to be “fashionable.” Do not be deceived by this lie! Scarfs are not fashionable. The height of fashion is utility, and scarfs are the enemy of this highest ideal.

Literally just walk around with a blanket, or even better a snuggie.

This is why the zip-off cargo pant is the most fashionable item of clothing ever created. How glorious it is to store the essential elements of one’s life within pockets so warm and secure. How stupendously the zipper glides as the wearer decides it is time for the world to see their well-toned calf muscles. The calves tell a story of triumph and tribulation, of love and heartache. Are not the calves then the most essential of the muscles after the heart?

OH YEAH!!!!!!

And yet, without calves, of what good is the heart? We shall bring this thought with us into the New Year.

-Brendan